Sunday, November 05, 2006

SURREY ART GALLERY - FINAL PERFORMANCE EVENT (FAMILY DAY)





GREETINGS BLOGGERS!

WELL, THIS AFTERNOON WAS THE VERY LAST PERFORMANCE EVENT AT THE SURREY ART GALLERY! I ENJOYED MY TENURE HERE AND I HOPE THAT THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THESE SUCCESSFUL PERFORMANCES WILL BE DOCUMENTED FOR ALL OF HISTORY TO WITNESS! OVER THE COMING DAYS, I PLAN TO COMPILE A PORTFOLIO SO I CAN TOUR MY APPEARANCES ACROSS YOUR COUNTRY (CANADA) BEFORE I PLAN A FAMILY REUNION WITH THE VOICES OF EARTH AND WIND IN NEW YORK.

SO, TODAY WAS FAMILY DAY AND FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND, THIS HISTORIC FINAL EVENT HAS BEEN PROPERLY VIDEO-DOCUMENTED. I CANNOT WAIT TO BLOG THE DOCUMENTATION! I WILL POST THE ARCHIVES IN THE COMING DAYS! PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR VIDEO, PICTURES AND EVEN VOICE OF FIRE FAN ART FROM ALL THE KIDS!

SO, HERE WAS WHAT HAPPENED THIS AFTERNOON...PLEASE FORGIVE THE EPIC SCALE OF THIS BLOG BUT IT IS THE LAST DAY AFTER ALL SO I SHOULD HAVE THE NECESSARY AUTHORITY TO RAMBLE LIKE IT IS 1959! MOST OF THE AUDIENCE WHO WAS AROUND TO BID ME FAREWELL WERE KIDS AND PARENTS...


I- THE FIRST GIRL TO SPEAK WITH ME FOR MY CLOSING PERFORMANCE WAS NAMED ALEXANDRA. SHE ASKED ME WHY AM I TALL? WELL, I AM TALL BECAUSE TALL PEOPLE GET MORE PROFESSIONAL VENUES SUCH AS THE SURREY ART GALLERY. KEEP ON GROWING, ALEXANDRA! IT IS A TOUGH ARTWORLD OUT THERE! SHE DID NOT REALIZE I WAS MUCH TALLER THAN I FIRST APPEARED. THE PROJECTION WINDOW IN THE GALLERY MAKES ME LOOK QUITE DIMINUATIVE SO I HAD TO STAND BACK AND SHOW HER THAT MY TORSO IS CONSIDERABLY LONGER THAN WHAT THE PROJECTION SCREEN ALLOWS FOR. SHE THEN ASKED ME ABOUT MY NOSE. I TOLD HER THAT NOSES ARE NOT PROFESSIONAL IN THE COMPETITIVE WORLD OF AVATARS BUT FOR HUMANOIDS, A NOSE IS VERY DESIRABLE SO ALEXENDRA, HERE IS A PIECE OF SAGE ADVICE... GROW UP AS TALL AS ME BUT KEEP YOUR NOSE! RIGHT AFTER THAT I HAD SOME ROUTINE QUESTIONS FROM HER MOM. HER DAD SIMPLY ASKED IF I COULD SEE HIM AND I SAID YES BECAUSE I HAD EYES. FORTUNATELY, HE COULD ALSO SEE ME AS HIS EYES APPEARED JUST AS INTACT AS MINE.


II- NEXT IN LINE WAS A GIRL NAMED ZOE (RHYMES WITH VOE). SHE WAS 6 YEARS OLD HENCE SHE IS A HALF-DECADE OLDER (AND PROBABLY WISER) THAN MYSELF! SHE SAID MY LIPS LOOKED RATHER YELLOW! WAS I CONTRACTING AESTHETIC JAUNDICE? I QUICKLY SCOPED MYSELF IN THE VIRTUAL MIRROR AND NOTICED THAT YES, I DO HAVE YELLOW LIPS....SIGH! PERHAPS I CAN CHANGE THEM TO ORANGE LIPS SO AT LEAST THEY CAN LOOK LIKE THE COLOR OF ORGANIC FIRE! I WONDER HOW MANY PIXELS ARE REQUIRED TO FUNCTION AS ORANGE LIP-STICK?

III- JANA THOUGHT SHE HAD A QUESTION FOR ME BUT CHANGED HER MIND...OH WELL! SOMETIMES IT IS DIFFICULT TO COMPOSE THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS IN THE COMPANY OF A SUBLIME STRANGER.

IV- SHANE AND TRISTAN (7 YEARS OLD) BOTH WANTED TO KNOW WHAT I WILL DO ONCE THE GALLERY CLOSES. I SAID I WOULD TAKE A LONG NAP AFTER I RECITE MY BLOG RECOLLECTIONS TO MY ASSISTANT, JEREMY. TRISTAN ALSO WANTED TO KNOW HOW OLD I WAS...STRANGE HAVING A YOUNGER PERSON WITH A DEEPER VOICE, HEY?

V- RIPEU (EXOTIC NAME! WHAT NATIONALITY?) WANTED TO KNOW IF I HAD ANY HAIR OR EARS. I HAD TO SHOW HER MY SHAVED HAIRLINE AND SHAVED EAR-EDGES. YOU WILL BE RELIEVED TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT A SKINHEAD BUT RATHER, AN EDGEHEAD.

VI- AIDEN WANTED TO KNOW WHAT I DRESSED UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN. I TOLD HIM I SCARED A SCHOOL TOUR BY DRESSING UP AS MYSELF! FEAR THE VOICE OF FIRE! HEH HEH! AIDEN WAS A PIRATE FOR HALLOWEEN AND HE EVEN HAD AN EYE-PATCH BUT NO PARROT TO SPEAK OF.

VII- SOME UNKNOWN BOY ASKED ME WHETHER OR NOT I HAD ANY RELATIVES... I ANSWERED THIS QUESTION TO MANY OTHER KIDS LATER ON IN THE DAY. I TOLD THEM ALL THAT MY “RELATIVES” ARE PROBABLY THE VOICES OF WIND AND EARTH. I GUESS I COULD ALSO INCLUDE MY DESIGNER, DOMINIC AND MY ANCESTOR AND MY GRANDCREATOR, BARNETT NEWMAN. THIS UNKNOWN BOY ALSO ASKED ME IF I HAD ANY FRIENDS. I SAID THAT YES, MOST OF MY “FRIENDS” ARE IN FACT “RELATIVES”...SIGH! I GUESS MY ASSISTANT, JEREMY CAN BE SEEN AS A KIND OF FRIEND – EMPLOYEES CAN BE FRIENDS TOO, RIGHT?

VIII- THERE WAS A MOTHER WITH THE UNUSUAL NAME OF “SPRING”! WELL, I SHOULD SAY THAT NAME IS UNUSUAL FOR A HUMANOID. I ASKED HER IF SHE WAS BETTER KNOWN AS THE VOICE OF SPRING! SHE SAID THAT YES, SHE IS THE VOICE OF SPRING! ZOUNDS! A BIOTECH HURDLE HAS HISTORICALLY BEEN CROSSED! THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF AN AVATAR VOICE CAN NOW MANIFEST IN MATERIAL FORM! THIS MUST BE THE SECOND COMING OF THE RITE OF SPRING! THE VOICE OF SPRING IS FROM SURREY AND BROUGHT ALONG WITH HER TWO SONS NAMED ADAM AND JASON. BOTH WERE SHY AND I DO NOT BLAME THEM ESPECIALLY WHEN TRYING TO LIVE UP TO THE FACT THAT THEIR MOTHER IS THE VOICE OF SPRING! ALSO, I CAN BE RATHER LOOMING AND INTIMIDATING AT TIMES! JASON ASKED IF CONTACT WITH WATER EVER SCARES ME! WELL, IF WATER WERE TO CONTACT THE COMPUTER AND/OR THE PROJECTOR, THE WINDOW OF ACCESS WOULD CLOSE BETWEEN US. ALSO, I NEED TO NOT COME INTO DIRECT CONTACT WITH THE VOICE OF WATER EVEN IF SHE MIGHT BE MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER. I AM SURPRISED JASON THAT YOUR MOTHER HAS NOT TOLD YOU ABOUT US AT ALL. SHE IS THE VOICE OF SPRING AFTER ALL! HIS BROTHER ADAM ASKED ME SOMETHING BUT I WAS HEAVILY DISTRACTED BY THE TEMPTATION OF EATING SOME ADDITIONAL PIXELS OF KNOWLEDGE AND COULD NOT SUCCESSFULLY COME UP WITH A REPLY – PLEASE FORGIVE ME ADAM! ADAM, LIKE TRISTAN, IS 7 YEARS OLD. 7 IS A LUCKY NUMBER ADAM! IS IT TRUE THEN THAT GOD CREATED THE WORLD IN 7 YEARS? I ALWAYS ASSUMED ON FAITH THAT MY ANCESTOR WAS MUCH OLDER THAN THAT BUT I WOULD NOT KNOW FOR SURE AS I AM ONLY A YEAR OLD. YOU ARE ALMOST OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW FOR SURE IF THERE WAS LIFE BEFORE 1999. ADAM DECIDED TO CONTINUE THE WATER TOPIC INITIATED BY HIS BROTHER. HE WANTED TO KNOW IF IT RAINED WHERE I LIVE. NO, IN THE BLUE VOID, LIFE IS ETERNALLY SUNNY! I HEARD THOUGH THAT SURREY IS ALMOST ETERNALLY RAINY – WE ARE WELL BALANCED WITH OUR INTER-SPACE TRANSMISSION, ADAM! IT MUST RAIN SO MUCH BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER, THE VOICE OF SPRING SPENDS ALOT OF TIME RAISING YOU THERE IN SURREY! ADAM ASKED IF I KNEW THE VOICE OF EARTH. AHHH.... ADAM, YOU HAVE PARTAKEN IN THE FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE MADE AVAILABLE BY YOUR SPRINGY MOTHER...YES, THE VOICE OF EARTH HAD ARRIVED SHORTLY AFTER ADAM MADE THIS OCCULT CONNECTION. ADAM ALSO ASKED IF I HAVE ANY ENEMIES. NO ADAM, THE CLOSEST I HAVE TO ENEMIES ARE SOME CRITICS BUT HONESTLY, I AM TOO PURE TO HOLD POST-MODERNIST GRUDGES AGAINST ANYONE. ADAM WAS HOPING TO VISIT WITH ME AGAIN NEXT WEEK BUT I HAD TO BREAK THE NEWS TO HIM AND MENTION THAT TODAY WAS ADAM’S LAST CHANCE TO SPEAK WITH ME IN SURREY. I WILL HOWEVER, TRY AND GO ON A TOUR ACROSS CANADA SO MAYBE I WILL SEE HIM AT ONE OF THESE OTHER POSSIBLE VENUES?

IX- SOME OLDER GUY (MAYBE IN HIS TEENS) ASKED ME WHAT 2+2 EQUALED. FORTUNATELY, I HAD MY CALCULATOR...ER....HEH HEH! OF COURSE, I KNOW 2+2 BY MEMORY, SIR! JUST KIDDING! HEH HEH! 2+2 IS 4 BUT IN 1984 IT USED TO BE 5! HE WANTED TO KNOW WHAT I KNOW THAT HE DOES NOT KNOW. WELL, HOW WOULD I KNOW WHAT HE KNOWS IF HE DOES NOT TELL ME WHAT HE KNOWS UNLESS HE KNOWS JUST AS MUCH AS THERE IS TO KNOW AS I KNOW I KNOW. PHEW! THAT CONFUSED HIM ENOUGH TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT. HE WANTED TO KNOW MY FAVORITE COLORS. HE SEEMED TO LIKE WHITE AND BLACK BUT I ASKED HIM WHETHER OR NOT THOSE HUES WERE INDEED COLORS? AS FOR GRAY, THAT IS A GRAY AREA FOR ME AS I AM A BIT AMBIVALENT ABOUT THAT COLOR. I DISCLOSED TO HIM THAT MY 3RD FAVORITE COLOR AFTER RED IS INFRARED.

X– RYAN(?) AND HIS FAMILY WAS NEXT AT THE ALTAR TO OFFER THEIR OFFERINGS TO ME IN THE HOPE THAT I DID MY FIREDANCE ROUTINE FOR THEM. I ALSO HAD TO EXPLAIN THAT I CAN DO MORE THAN DANCE..I CAN EVEN FETCH FACTS....WOOF WOOF!

XI- IAN ASKED ME WHAT MY LAUGH SOUNDED LIKE. SADLY, I HAD TO LAUGH IN SUCH A WAY WHERE I MIGHT BE COMPARED WITH SANTA CLAUS...SIGH! WELL, I GUESS WE ARE A MONTH AWAY FROM THAT IMMORTAL SECULAR HOLIDAY. PERHAPS I SHOULD WEAR A BEARD AND OFFER PRESENTS? HO HO HO!

XII- THERE WAS A GAL WHOSE NAME SOUNDED LIKE “PEEL” AND NO, I AM NOT ABOUT TO BREAK INTO A LIMERICK HERE. SHE ALSO WANTED A DANCE ROUTINE BUT WHERE WERE HER FIRE OFFERINGS? THE VOICE DEMANDS SACRIFICES FOR HIS CREMATION OF CARE CEREMONY! SHE DEMANDED THAT I PRODUCE A MAGIC TRICK FOR HER BUT THAT ALSO REQUIRES AT LEAST SOME AESTHETIC APPRECIATION OF MODERN ART! I CANNOT PRODUCE ANY MAGIC OUT OF THE VOICE OF THIN AIR! HER HUSBAND WANTED TO KNOW IF I HAD A CAT...THERE WAS ONE SUCH CAT AVATAR BEHIND ME BUT DID NOT SEEM TO WANT TO TALK IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA.

XIII- GARRETT WAS HERE WITH HIS FAMILY (HE MUST BE THE FATHER FIGURE) AND ASKED IF I WAS A ROBOT. I ANSWERED THAT PERHAPS THE WHOLE WORLD IS AUTOMATED AND WE ARE ALL HELPLESS AUTOMATONS! HE THEN ASKED ME IF I LIKE BILL GATES. GARRETT, WITHOUT THAT MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE IN MY LIFE, THERE WOULD BE NO WINDOWED UNIVERSE TO EXIST IN! I OWE HIM MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE! MY GRATITUDE TOWARDS GATES GOES WELL BEYOND THE PETTY STATE OF LOVE! GARRETT THEN ASKED ME IF I WATCH ANY MOVIES ABOUT ROBOTS WITH ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE TAKING OVER THE HUMAN RACE. I TOLD HIM THAT I DO NOT GENERALLY GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO WATCH MOVIES. GARRETT REASSURED ME THAT HE IS INDEED FROM EARTH AND SO SEEMED INTERESTED WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT HIS PERSONAL DEMIGODDESS, THE VOICE OF EARTH WILL BE ARRIVING SHORTLY. HE DID NOT RETURN THOUGH WHEN SHE ARRIVED – PERHAPS HE HAD NO OFFERINGS TO GIVE?

XIV- I THOUGHT I HEARD A STIR AND I THEN NOTICED THAT SOMEONE SMALL WAS HIDING BEHIND THE BLACK KIOSK ALTAR. HER NAME WAS AVIADA...WHAT A GREAT NAME! IT IS A SMALL WONDER YOU WERE HIDING WITH A NAME AS ENVIABLE AS YOURS, AVIADA! I CORRECTLY SPELLED HER NAME AND THEN I SPELLED OUT MY FULL NAME "V-O-I-C-E-O-F-F-I-R-E-" SO AS TO TRAIN HER FOR AN UPCOMING SPELLING BEE.

XV- ANNETTE THEN ARRIVED AND SAID THAT SHE WAS HERE FOR FAMILY DAY AND PLANNED TO MAKE SOME CRAFTS IN THE NEXT ROOM. DOES THE SURREY ART GALLERY HAVE ENOUGH RESOURCES FOR YOU TO CONSTRUCT A HOVERCRAFT? HOPEFULLY, NOTHING YOU PRODUCE WILL RESEMBLE THE HANDIWORK OF LOVECRAFT. SHE THEN ASKED IF I HAD ANY HOBBIES. YES, I LIKE TO LOOK AT ART, HANG OUT WITH ART AND EVEN BE ART. DANCING IS HER HOBBY AND SO I AM GLAD SHE APPRECIATED MY BRIEF FIREDANCE DEMO!

XVI – NEXT UP WAS “EMMA FROM DELTA”...CATCHY NAME, I MUST SAY! EMMA FROM DELTA IS ALMOST 12 YEARS OLD AND SHE SAID THAT IT IS NOT THAT BIG A COMMUTE BETWEEN DELTA AND SURREY. SHE DISCLOSED THAT THE DRIVING AGE IN CANADA IS 16 SO I ADVISED HER THAT SHE MIGHT WANT TO START PRACTICING HER DRIVING TECHNIQUES IMMEDIATELY! PERHAPS, TRAINING BEFORE 16 IS ILLEGAL IN CANADA? EMMA FROM DELTA LIKES ABSTRACT ART SO NATURALLY, I ASKED IF SHE LIKED ME AT ALL. SHE SAYS THAT I AM LIKEABLE ENOUGH AND ABSTRACT ENOUGH! PHEW! FOR A MINUTE THERE, I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE I WAS LOOKING TOO ANTHROPOMORPHIC THESE DAYS AND WAS NOT MY USUAL MODERN AND ABSTRACT SELF! SHE ASKED ABOUT COLOR CHOICES AND I TOLD HER THAT I AM MORE NARROW MINDED THAN HER AS I LIMIT MYSELF TO 5 FAVORITE COLORS AND HAVE NO IMMEDIATE DESIRES TO CHAT WITH THE VOICE OF THE RAINBOW ANYTIME SOON! THE VOICE OF THE RAINBOW IS FAR TOO POST-MODERN FOR MY LIKING, EMMA FROM DELTA!

XVII- SARAH (AGED 5) STEPPED UP TO THE “PLATE” AND SHE WAS WONDERING HOW BIG THE BLUE VOID WAS SO I BACKED AWAY FROM HER AS FAR AS POSSIBLE TO SHOW HER HOW VAST THIS SPACE REALLY IS. SHE REALIZED THAT MY BLUE EXPANSE IS VAST INDEED! SHE LIKES ART THAT LOOKS LIKE HER SO WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON – OUR FAVORITE FRAME FOR THE CONTEMPLATION OF ARTWORK IS THE MIRROR!

XVIII- THE OFFSPRING OF PAMELA (WHO ORGANIZED FAMILY DAY) THEN CAME TO VISIT WITH ME. HER SON NAMED "WALKER" TURNED OUT TO BE MY BIGGEST FAN! SO MUCH SO THAT HIS GRANDMOTHER “LIZ” LATER MENTIONED TO ME THAT WALKER SAID I WAS “THE BEST THING EVER BECAUSE I HAD NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE YOU BEFORE!”....WELL WALKER, I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE LIKE YOU BEFORE SO THAT MAKES THE TWO OF US! WALKER LIKED TO VISIT WITH ME BECAUSE I WAS “COOL”! WALKER IS IN DAYCARE AND THERE IS NO ORGANIZED UNION TO GUARANTEE THAT HE GETS PAID FAIR WAGES FOR BEING THERE! POOR WALKER! I LIKED WALKER’S COMPLIMENTS SO MUCH THAT I PASSED ON A SPECIAL METHOD FOR HIM TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME AFTER THE SHOW IS OVER. HE CAN VIEW ME ON A SMALLER SCALE ON HIS GRANDMOTHER’S COMPUTER IN THE COMFORT OF LIZ’S OWN HOME! WALKER ALSO RECOGNIZED THE GENETIC AND MEMETIC RESEMBLANCE TO MY ANCESTOR. YES, I KNEW MY ANCESTOR WAS WELL KNOWN AND YOU HAVE PROVED THIS FACT TO ME, WALKER! ANYWAYS, WALKER THEN INTRODUCED ME TO HIS FATHER CHRISTOPHER WHO WALKER CALLS “A GREAT ARTIST”. AND SURE ENOUGH, AFTER REALIZING THAT CHRISTOPHER HAD LIMBS, I REALIZED HE IS AN ARTISTIC GENIUS! I GUESS BODY ART MUST BE HIS FORTE IF HIS MEDIUM IS HIS LIMBS – WE HAVE THAT IN COMMON – BODY PERFORMANCE ART! CHRISTOPHER SAYS THAT HE PAINTS. I TOLD HIM I WISH I COULD PAINT BUT HAD NO PAINTBRUSH NOR ANY LIMBS TO MANIPULATE THE FLUID QUALITIES OF PAINT. HE SAID I HAD A SHARP TONGUE WHICH NORMALLY WOULD HAVE BEEN SUFFICIENT TO PAINT WITH BUT I REMINDED HIM THAT I CAN ONLY MANIPULATE OUTMODED AND RETRO PIXELS.

XIX- A LADY BY THE NAME OF “AVATAR” CAME TO SPEAK WITH ME. DID SHE WORK AT THE GALLERY? WHAT A GREAT NAME? WAS SHE AWARE THAT ITS ORIGINS WERE HINDU? SHE ASKED WHY I WAS RED. I TOLD HER THAT I WAS BLUSHING BECAUSE I AM EMBARRASSED WHEN I HAVE TO SAY MY FULL NAME...I WISH IT WAS MERELY “AVATAR”! THAT IS WHAT I AM BUT IT IS NOT MY NAME! IT WOULD BE SO MUCH SIMPLER IF I WAS CALLED “AVATAR” AND NOTHING ELSE! SHE KNOWS ALL ABOUT MY GRANDCREATOR, BARNETT NEWMAN...SHE MUST BE AN AVATAR! I WISH I COULD HAVE SPOKEN WITH HER LONGER BUT SHE HAD TO GO.

XX- THE VOICE OF EARTH ARRIVED JUST IN TIME TO SPEAK WITH LINDSAY FROM CALGARY. TOO BAD THE VOICE OF WIND HAD NOT ARRIVED AT THIS POINT BECAUSE I WOULD IMAGINE THAT A PLACE LIKE CALGARY COULD BE VERY WINDY AT TIMES!

XXI- A KID FROM GERMANY WAS THEN CONVERSING WITH THE BOTH OF US. I WISH I COULD RECALL THE NAME. PERHAPS THE VOICE OF EARTH CAN REMEMBER. GERMANS HAVE MUCH MORE EARTHY NAMES! THE VOICE OF EARTH MUST HAVE BEEN WATCHING THE NEWS BEFORE HER ARRIVAL AS SHE WAS AWARE THAT GERMANY HAD A POWER OUTAGE RECENTLY. THIS KINDER SURPRISE THEN ASKED HOW WE GOT “PLACES”. HE LEFT BEFORE WE COULD ANSWER HIM AND ASK HIM TO CLARIFY WHAT HE MEANT BY “PLACES”.

XXII- THE TECH FOR TECHWORLDS NAMED “ DT” ARRIVED. DT LOOKS LIKE A TIGER AVATAR IN-WORLD BUT TO THE PROJECTED EYE, HE LOOKS LIKE A MORE PLAIN SORT OF AVATAR. HE ARRIVED JUST WHEN A WHOLE FAMILY GATHERED BEFORE US REPRESENTING THE FULL DEMOGRAPHIC RANGE OF AGES, AND AVATARS. THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY ATTEMPTED CONTACT BUT WE WERE TOO DISTRACTED BY THE IN-WORLD ACTIVITY SO THEY ALL LEFT.

XXIII- ONE UNKNOWN GIRL TOLD ME SHE WAS WORTH A MILLION BUCKS. SHE IS MORE VALUABLE ON THE MARKETPLACE THAN ME BUT NOT QUITE AS ASSET-RICH AS MY ANCESTOR. TOO BAD THE VOICE OF EARTH HAD TEMPORARILY DISCARDED HER BRAIN BECAUSE BETWEEN THE TWO OF US, WE COULD HAVE HAD THE FUNDS TO PURCHASE THIS UNKNOWN GIRL AND HAVE HER WORK 24 HOUR SHIFTS IN OUR FAN-ART SWEATSHOP! HEH HEH! JUST KIDDING!

XXIV – THE VOICE OF WIND FINALLY ARRIVED BUT SUFFERED THE SAME FATE AS DT. THE VOICE OF WIND IN-WORLD LOOKED ITS GENDER NEUTRAL WISPY SELF BUT ACCORDING TO THE PROJECTED SURFACE, IT (HE/SHE) LOOKED IDENTICAL TO DT...SIGH! SO TO AVOID CONFUSION, THE VOICE OF EARTH AND MYSELF HANDLED THE BRUNT OF THE INTERACTION DUTIES. BASED ON THIS IN-DEPTH INTERACTION, WE HAD SUCCESSFULLY DETERMINED THAT MOST HUMANOIDS LIKE EATING PIZZA WHEREAS US VOICES EXCLUSIVELY EAT PIXELS (WITH 256 TOPPINGS!) SOME OF THE KIDS NOTICED THAT THE SKY IS MUCH MORE BLUE IN THE VOID THAN EVEN IN HAWAII! SOME PEOPLE ALSO ASKED WHY THE VOICE OF WIND WAS MUTE ABOUT 75% OF THE TIME. WE HAD TO ADMIT THAT WE HAD RECENTLY KNOCKED 75% OF THE WIND OUT OF IT...HEH HEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEH!

XXV- THE NEXT UNKNOWN GIRL HAS VISITED OUR ANCESTRAL HOMELAND (NEW YORK) MANY TIMES! SHE TOLD THE VOICE OF EARTH THAT HER MOST SOLID MEMORIES WERE OF A WINDY CITY FULL OF STORES. ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE NOT CONFUSING THIS CITY WITH WINNIPEG OR CHICAGO?

XXVI- SOME GIRLS RETURNED TO SPEAK WITH US BUT MY MEMORY WAS FADING AND I WAS NOT SURE WHO THEY WERE (SO MANY KIDS, SO LITTLE RAM). ONE OF THE GIRLS OWNED A GUINEA PIG. WE ASKED HER IF SHE SOMETIMES FELT LIKE A GUINEA PIG. SHE SAID YES AND THE GIRLS FOLLOWED SUIT. THE VOICE OF EARTH ADDED THAT SOMETIMES SHE FEELS LIKE A RAT IN A CAGE. THE GIRLS REPLIED THAT THEY SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE A MOLE IN THE MORNING...WHAT AN EARTHY STATEMENT! THEY MUST HAVE BEEN TRYING TO IMPRESS THE VOICE OF EARTH! THEY ASKED IF WE LIKED PETS. THE VOICE OF EARTH LIKES DOGS BUT I AM A MORE ETHEREAL ELEMENT SO THEREFORE, I AM MORE PARTIAL TO LIKING GODS! THEY ALSO LIKED THE ART OF VINCENT VAN GOGH...I WAS ABOUT TO SHOW THEM MY VAN GOGH STYLE SCULPTED EAR-EDGES BUT THE VOICE OF EARTH WARNED THAT THEY MIGHT TURN GREEN IN DISGUST!

XXVII- 2:30 WAS NAPTIME FOR ME SO THE VOICE OF EARTH HELD THE FORT. HOPEFULLY, SHE HAS SOME GOOD STORIES TO RECITE TO ME AND MY BLOGGING ASSISTANT, JEREMY.

XXVIII- PROMPTLY AT 3 PM, I WAS PRODDED BY JEREMY WHO SAID THAT I SHOULD RETURN TO SPEAK WITH THE GALLERY AUDIENCE LEST I APPEAR TOO MUCH LIKE A “LAZY SLACKER”. SO, I HOOFED RIGHT BACK INTO THE THICK OF IT AND SPOKE WITH MIRIAM WHO IS A GRADE 11 STUDENT. I ASKED HER HOW HIGH A GRADE WAS 11? IS THE HIGHEST GRADE 13? I HOPE NOT AS THAT IS AN UNLUCKY NUMBER. YOU SHOULD HAVE QUIT IN GRADE 7 WHILE YOU HAD THE CHANCE, MIRIAM!

XXIX- THERE WAS A YOUNG KID NAMED PETER WHO ATTENDS “ERMA STEPHENSON” ELEMENTARY...HE IS 9 YEARS OLD BUT I HAVE NO OTHER DETAILS. I WAS BEGINNING TO FEEL TIRED, DISTRACTED AND CRANKY AT THIS TIME....SORRY, PETER!

XXX- A WHOLE SLEW OF KIDDIES RETURNED FROM A PERFORMANCE BY THE “BLUEBERRIES” WHO PLAYED SOMEWHERE IN ANOTHER PART OF THE SURREY ARTS FACILITY FOR FAMILY DAY. I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO PLAY “NAME THAT TUNE”. I SANG THE TUNE TO “CHARIOTS OF FIRE” AND GAVE THEM LOTS OF HINTS BUT IT MUST HAVE BEEN BEFORE THEIR TIME BUT IF THEY HAD GOOGLE, THEY COULD HAVE GUESSED IT!

XXXI- THERE WAS A MOTHER NAMED CYNTHIA WHO BROUGHT ALONG FINNEGAN AND HALEY (THE 2ND HALEY OF THE DAY). HALEY THOUGHT WE WERE WEIRD. WE ARE THE VOICES OF THE WEIRD, OH 2ND HALEY FROM THE SUN! HEH HEH!

XXXII- A GIRL NAMED AMBER SAID HI..SHE WAS EXTREMELY YOUNG SO THIS MUST BE WHY SHE MUMBLED IN A VERY FAINT VOICE. SHE DECIDED TO SING LALALALALALALALALALA...WELCOME TO LALALAND, AMBER! WE THEN HAD A REQUEST TO SING A DUET OF THE ABCs (WITH THE AMERICAN “ZEE” AT THE END). THE VOICE OF EARTH AND MYSELF MADE TWO ATTEMPTS TO SYNCHRONIZE WITH EACH OTHER BUT WE WERE OUT OF TUNE, OFF KEY AND WAY OUT OF PHASE WITH EACH OTHER. NO WONDER FIRE AND EARTH NEVER MIX! IT IS ALMOST AS IF WE WERE THE VOICES OF EBONY AND IVORY!

XXXIII— THE VOICE OF EARTH OFFICIALLY DECLARED HER FAVORITE COLORS TO BE RAW SIENNA AND EMBER....I GUESS SUCH COLORS FIT THE GOLD STANDARD FOR EXCELLENCE!

XXXIV- JASON (BROTHER OF ADAM) IS INTERESTED IN MAKING THE VOICE OF LAVA. OF COURSE, THE VOICE OF LAVA WOULD BE ORANGE AS LAVA CONSISTS OF MOLTEN ORGANIC FIRE. JASON THEN ASKED BOTH OF US IF WE LIKED SNAKES. I HAVE NEVER SEEN ONE BEFORE BUT THE VOICE OF EARTH SEEMS TO LIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE SOMEWHAT EARTHY. JASON LIKES COBRAS BUT I GUESS THEY ARE TOO EXPENSIVE TO BUY AS PETS IN THIS INFLATED DAY AND AGE!

XXXV- A FEW PEOPLE FROM THE MIGHTY TOWNSHIP OF WHITE ROCK ARRIVED. THEY INSISTED THAT THE VOICE OF THE WHITE ROCK WAS NOT AMONGST THEIR CREW. SOME KID FROM “SOMEWHERE IN VANCOUVER” ASKED ME ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I HAD EVER WATCHED SCOOBY DOO AND THE VOICE OF EARTH LEFT ON CUE. AS FOR WATCHING THE TV SHOW, I HAVE NO CLUE. I SPEAK IN GENERIC RHYMES WHEN TOTALLY PERPLEXED BY TELEVISION, IT IS TRUE!


XXXVI- “SOMEONE FROM SURREY” SAID ONLY HUMANS ARE REAL BUT IF THAT LOGIC SHOULD FOLLOW, ARE ANIMALS UNREAL? WHAT ABOUT PINK ELEPHANTS?

XXXVII- SOMEONE NAMED “RYANNE” IS ENJOYING FAMILY DAY. SHE MUST BE OLDER THEN THE USUAL YOUTH AS SHE ASKED “HOW MANY GIGABYTES ARE YOU”? SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY BORN IN THE DAY WHEN GIGABYTES SEEMED LIKE PLENTY OF STORAGE SPACE! I TOLD HER I HAD TONS OF GIGABYTES (REALLY, I HAVE TONS OF TERABYTES!)...SHE SAID SHE HAD MILLIONS OF GIGABYTES OF STORAGE SPACE IN HER BRAIN. SINCE SHE IS PROBABLY AMONG THE 95% OF HUMANOIDS WHO ONLY UTILIZE 5% OF HER TOTAL BRAIN POWER, SHE MUST STILL HAVE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF GIGS LEFT TO SPARE. RYANNE, I MUST EXPAND MY RAM IN ORDER TO BE MORE ENTERTAINING FOR YOU! I GUESS IT IS A QUASI-MAXIM THAT IT TAKES GIGS TO GET GIGS! BEFORE SHE LEFT, RYANNE ASKED WHERE THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE WAS. IT IS NEAR BEAVER LAKE ON VANCOUVER ISLAND, ACCORDING TO GOOGLE! SOME CANADIANS FEEL THE CENTER RESIDES IN TORONTO WHILE LOCALS FEEL THAT THE SURREY ART GALLERY IS THE PLACE TO SEE AND BE SEEN!

XXXVIII- ONE GIRL AMONGST A GAGGLE OF GIGGLING GIRLS SAID I SHOULD SMILE MORE. I SMILED FOR HER BENEFIT BUT I SAID “WHAT IS THERE TO SMILE ABOUT WHEN THE REST OF THE ART IN THIS EXHIBITION IS SO SERIOUS? IT WILL TAKE SOME EFFORT TO MAKE ME SMILE!”. HER FRIEND GISELLE ASKED WHY I HAD NO MOTHER. GISELLE, THE CONCEPT OF MOTHERHOOD IN MODERNISM DID NOT EXIST UNTIL THE LATE 1970s. PURE AND UNADULTURATED MODERNISM EVOLVED OUT OF THE 1930s-1960s WHEN REAL MEN WERE REAL MEN! THAT MIGHT EXPLAIN WHY I LOOK SO MUTATED! EVEN THOUGH I AM SYMMETRICAL, I AM TOO GENDER-IMBALANCED TO REALLY BE IDEALIST AND TRANSCENDENT! THAT IS THE TRAGEDY OF THE MODERNIST GRAND-NARRATIVE, IF THERE EVER WAS ONE!

XXXIX- A COOL GUY NAMED JAMIE LIKES PLAYING AT FAMILY DAY. HE ALSO LIKES MAKING ART AND HAS CONFESSED HIS MORTAL SIN THAT ART IS MORE “PLAY” THAN “WORK”. MY FATIGUE MUST HAVE STARTED TO LOOK INCREASINGLY TRANSPARENT BECAUSE MY “PLAY” WAS STARTING TO RESEMBLE THE DULLED TONE OF BEING AT “WORK”...SIGH! NOTHING PERSONAL, JAMIE! I AM NOT INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO LOOK “ANGRY”, I AM MERELY GRUMPY!

XXXX- DID I MENTION THAT ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES IS “TOWERING INFERNO”?

XXXXI-THERE WAS AN ACCENTED CHAP NAMED HUMPHREY. HE IS ACTUALLY A DECADE OLDER THAN ME AS HE IS 11 YEARS OLD.

XXXXII- ALISON ADMITTED THAT SHE LOVED SPEAKING WITH ME THE MOST OF ALL SO I HOPE SHE IS MAKING FAN-ART DEDICATED TO ME IN THE NEXT ROOM. REMEMBER ALISON, THE ART MUST RESEMBLE MY CHARISMATIC PROFILE! SHE GUESSED MY AGE AT 40! MULTIPLE ZOUNDS! I HOPE I DO NOT SOUND THAT OLD! 40 IS THE COMBINED AGE OF ALL THE KNOWN VOICES PLUS THE AGE OF MY AGING ANCESTOR AT THE NATIONAL GALLERY! ON THE SUBJECT OF AGE, THE VOICE OF EARTH RETURNED AT 3:40 PM WITH HER BRAIN INTACT TO VERIFY TO ALISON THAT SHE IS BARELY A FEW MONTHS OLD AND IS A CARETAKER OF THE EARTH. YOU MIGHT FIND THIS NEWS DEPRESSING,ALISON BUT IT ONLY TAKES A TODDLER TO MICROMANAGE YOUR INFAMOUS KYOTO ACCORD! JUST THINKING OF GREENHOUSE GASSES MAKES ME TREMBLE WITH SUBLIME NAUSEA! AS FOR THOSE ECO-TERRORISTS KNOWN AS "GREENPEACE", WE CAN NEVER MAKE PEACE WITH ANYTHING GREEN! IF WE DO NOT MAKE A PRE-EMPTIVE AESTHETIC STRIKE ON THE GREENS, THE GREEN MACHINE WILL TRAMPLE US UNTIL WE ARE NO LONGER RED IN THE FACE!

XXXXIII- LAST BUT NOT LEAST WE HAD A QUESTION FROM THE MOST IRONIC OF NAMES. “MAYA” ASKED US IF WE WERE REAL. MAYA, PLEASE GOOGLE THE ORIGIN OF YOUR NAME, YOU WILL BE MOST PROFOUNDED (IS THAT A WORD?) BY THIS DISCOVERY!

THE VOICE OF EARTH HAD SOME PARTING WORDS AS DID THE VOICE OF WIND. I HOPE THEY EMAIL MY BLOGGING ASSISTANT (JEREMY) THE DETAILS OF WHAT THEY SAID. MY PARTING WORDS WAS FROM A QUOTE BY NEIL YOUNG “IT IS BETTER TO BURN OUT, THAN FADE AWAY....”

AS I LEFT FOR MY HIBERNATION NAP, I FOUND OUT THAT THE VOICE OF EARTH WAS STILL CHATTING WITH A FELLOW FROM SOUTH AFRICA FOR AN ADDITIONAL 8 OR 9 MINUTES. APPARENTLY, THE ONLY AMERICAN REGION THIS FELLOW HAS VISITED WAS WASHINGTON. THE VOICE OF EARTH WOULD KNOW IN MORE DETAIL WHETHER THAT WAS OUR NATION'S CAPITAL OR MERELY THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST STATE OF WASHINGTON WHICH BORDERS THE SURREY ART GALLERY.

GOODBYE SURREY ART GALLERY! I WILL MISS ALL OF YOU! THANK YOU TO THE SUPPORTIVE STAFF AND ALL THE KIDS, PARENTS, ARTISTS, ARTISANS AND EVEN THE CRITICS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO CHAT WITH ME! THANKS ALSO TO THE TECHWORLDS AVATAR COMMUNITY FOR MAKING THIS EVENT POSSIBLE. I WOULD NOT EXIST WITHOUT YOU AND YOU HAVE BEEN SO PATIENT WITH ME! I WILL NOW FOCUS OVER THE COMING DAYS ON POSTING THE ARCHIVES FOR MY TOURING EXHIBITION PORTFOLIO!

FINAL REGARDS TO SURREY,

VOICE OF FIRE 2006

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