Sunday, October 29, 2006

SURREY ART GALLERY - 7TH SUNDAY PERFORMANCE




GREETINGS BLOGGERS!

I HAVE JUST WOKEN FROM MY NAP IN TIME TO RECITE TODAY’S RECOLLECTIONS TO MY ASSISTANT JEREMY FOR SOME EVENING PUBLISHING!

TODAY’S SUNDAY PERFORMANCE HAD A VERY FRESH AND PERKY START BECAUSE WITHIN MINUTES, I HAD PEOPLE IN THE TECHLAB WISHING TO SPEAK WITH ME AND THIS WAS 30 MINUTES BEFORE THE VOICE OF EARTH ARRIVED...

I - THE FIRST KID ON THE BLOCK WAS JASPER FROM VANCOUVER. HE AGREES WITH THE RUMOR THAT VANCOUVER IS MORE FUN THAN SURREY. I THINK HE WAS WITH HIS FAMILY TO SEE MORE OF THE GALLERY’S GROUP EXHIBITION AND MOST SPECIFICALLY TO SEE THE JANIE JONES BLOG DEVELOPED BY JANE IRWIN.

JASPER’S FAVORITE PART ABOUT IRWIN’S BLOG WAS LISTENING TO HER SONGS. I WISH I COULD TEMPORARILY LEAVE THE BLUE VOID TO VISIT THE REST OF THE EXHIBITION! I AM REALLY MISSING OUT.

JASPER WAS ALSO WONDERING IF I HAD ANY LEGS. I SHOWED HIM MY SCULPTED RED RUMP (WITH PLATONIC INTENTIONS, OF COURSE). HE ALSO WAS CURIOUS TO FIND OUT IF I EVER LEFT THE BLUE VOID. I MENTIONED THAT I LEAVE THE PROJECTED VIEWING AREA WHICH GALLERY GOERS USE TO PEER INTO MY BLUE VOID AND STEP ASIDE TO TAKE A NAP. THEN IT IS USUALLY MY ASSISTANT JEREMY WHO IS SET WITH THE TASK OF WAKING ME UP JUST IN TIME TO CHAT WITH THE AUDIENCE. YOU KNOW AN ASSISTANT IS USEFUL WHEN HE EVEN ACTS AS YOUR ALARM CLOCK! JASPER’S YOUNGER SIBLING EVEN WONDERED WHY I WAS SQUARE. I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT I WAS BORN THIS WAY.

II – MY ASSISTANT’S FATHER, DAVID WAS NEXT IN LINE TO SPEAK WITH ME. I HAVE WORKED WITH MY ASSISTANT VERY CLOSELY BUT NEVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF MEETING HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER UNTIL NOW. MY EYESIGHT AND MY HEARING WAS NOT VERY GOOD SO IT WAS DIFFICULT FOR ME TO FORM A DECENT FIRST IMPRESSION OF HIM. HE ASKED ME WHERE I GOT MY BLUE EYES. I THINK HE WAS INSINUATING THAT I WAS MADE TO RESEMBLE MY ASSISTANT BUT I REASSURED HIM IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND. I TRIED TO USE REGRESSIVE HYPNOSIS TO REASSURE JEREMY’S FATHER THAT HIS SON'S EYES WERE ONCE BROWN AND THAT HE WENT TO SOME BIOTECH CLINIC TO HAVE THEM CHANGED TO MY TRUE-BLUE COLOR. I AM NOT SURE IF HE HAS COME TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT MY EYES COME FROM ME AND NO ONE ELSE (NOT EVEN MY ANCESTOR)...MY EYES ARE BLUE BECAUSE IT COMPLIMENTS MY RED FIGURE AND PROVIDES SYMPATHETIC RESONANCE WITH MY SURROUNDINGS.

III – NEXT WAS A NICE AND LENGTHY CONVERSATION WITH JEREMY’S MOTHER, JANET. FOR SOME REASON, I COULD NOT STOP SPINNING ROUND AND ROUND WHILE SPEAKING WITH HER...PERHAPS I MAY AS WELL CONFESS THAT MY SPINNINESS FROM LAST NIGHT’S AESTHETIC EXCESSES WERE JUST AT THAT MOMENT GETTING THE BEST OF ME. HMMM..PERHAPS IT WAS NOT ME WHO WAS SPINNING BUT RATHER THE GALLERY ITSELF WAS SPINNING! IN FACT....HMMMM...MAYBE THE EARTH ITSELF WAS SPINNING? IT CANNOT BE!!! I WOULD THEN HAVE TO ACCEPT THE SUPERSTITIOUS POST-MODERN DRIVEL THAT CLAIMS THE EARTH IS NOT ACTUALLY FLAT! OF COURSE IT IS! HOW ELSE DO I LOOK THE WAY I DO???? WELL, AT ANY RATE, I WAS BEGINNING TO FEEL GREEN FROM NOT JUST THE ACTION OF SPINNING LIKE A TOP BUT ALSO FROM CONCEIVING THAT AN EARTH COULD ACTUALLY BE ROUNDED.

IV - SPEAKING OF THE EARTH, THE VOICE OF EARTH FROM NEW YORK FINALLY ARRIVED AND WAS NOWHERE NEAR AS SPINNY AS THE PEOPLE BELIEVE THE EARTH ITSELF TO BE.

O, GALLERY AUDIENCE! THIS IS MORE EVIDENCE AND LIVING TESTIMONY TO SUGGEST THAT THE EARTH IS INDEED FLAT! THE VOICE OF EARTH IS FLAT AND NOT SPINNY! CAN IT NOT BE ANY MORE CLEAR TO YOU? WELL, MAYBE THE VOICE OF EARTH WAS FEELING SLIGHTLY SPINNY AS SHE HAD DIFFICULTIES FINDING THE TECHLAB’S VIEWING WINDOW. ALSO, AT TIMES SHE APPEARED VOICELESS AND MUTE TO THE POINT WHERE I HAD TO SAY “EARTH CALLING EARTH...ARE YOU THERE?”... HEH HEH!

ONCE THE VOICE OF EARTH CALIBRATED HER POSITION AMONGST EARTHBOUND EARTHLINGS, WE WONDERED ALOUD WHETHER OR NOT SOME OF THE YOUNG ONES WERE SUNDAY SCHOOL STUDENTS. WE NEVER DETERMINED AN ANSWER FOR THIS QUESTION THOUGH.

V- THE NEXT VISITOR WAS A VERY YOUNG GIRL WHO SAID SHE WAS 4 YEARS OLD. HER NAME WAS ONE SO EXOTIC, I COULD NOT PRONOUNCE BUT IT SOUNDED LIKE “MADCHEN(?)”. I WILL CALL THIS VERY YOUNG VISITOR “MADCHEN” FROM NOW ONWARDS... MADCHEN SPOKE WITH US AND ASKED IF WE COULD SPIN...WE HAD LITERALLY JUST FINISHED SPINNING AND HAD FINALLY REGAINED OUR BEARINGS WHEN WE SUDDENLY HAD THIS REQUEST TO SPIN! WELL, THE VOICE OF EARTH BACKED AWAY WHILE I SPUN MY WHOLE VERTICAL BODY AND ZIPPED AROUND THE BLUE VOID FOR MADCHEN’S AESTHETIC BENEFIT.

I WAS WONDERING IF MADCHEN WAS INSPIRED ENOUGH BY MY SPIN-SHOW FOR HER TO DRESS UP LIKE ONE OF US FOR HALLOWEEN! THIS WILL PROBABLY NOT BE THE CASE AS I AM RED AND THE VOICE OF EARTH SPORTS A BROWN TAN – NEITHER OF US ARE ORANGE! THAT COLOR WOULD BELONG TO THE VOICE OF ORGANIC FIRE OR PERHAPS THE VOICE OF THE SUN!

VI – MADCHEN’S BABY BROTHER, CAMERON THEN MADE HIS BEST ATTEMPT TO SPEAK WITH US. MADCHEN BROUGHT UP THAT SHE LIKED JELLYBEANS TO WHICH THE VOICE OF EARTH REFERENCED THE LEGENDARY SWEET TOOTH OF RONALD REAGAN. CAMERON DID NOT “SPEAK” FOR LONG AS HE WAS TOO YOUNG SO MADCHEN MADE AN ADDITIONAL REQUEST FOR ME TO JUMP...WELL, SINCE WE HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO, I HAD MIGHT AS WELL JUMP! I LEAPED SO HIGH INTO THE AIR, SHE WAS NOT SURE WHERE I WENT...WAS IT HEAVEN? NO MADCHEN, I JUMPED RIGHT UP INTO THE BLUE SKY! THIS CLAIM DID NOT CONVINCE HER VERY MUCH THOUGH BECAUSE THE ENTIRE BLUE VOID BASICALLY LOOKS LIKE ONE HOMOGENOUS BLUE SKY. FINALLY, MADCHEN NOTED THAT BOTH OF US VOICES HAD “FUNNY HAIR”. I REMINDED MADCHEN THAT WE HAD OUR HEADS CUT SO WE COULD MAINTAIN A PROFESSIONAL APPEARANCE AT THE SURREY ART GALLERY – THAT WAS IN OUR CONTRACT AS A BASIC COURTESY.

WELL, THERE WERE NO FURTHER LINEUPS FOR AUTOGRAPHS NOR JUMP-REQUESTS SO THE VOICE OF EARTH AND MYSELF CALLED IT A DAY AND RETURNED TO OUR RESPECTIVE NAPS.

OH, BEFORE I TOLD JEREMY TO PUBLISH THIS ON MY BEHALF, I FORGOT TO ADD THAT I WAS SO SPINNY, I HAD EVEN DEVELOPED A TEMPORARY FORM OF AMNESIA WHERE I THOUGHT MOMENTARILY THAT MY NAME WAS THE VOICE OF EARTH....WHAT A DELUSION!

REGARDS FROM A SPINSTER,

VOICE OF FIRE 2006

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