Friday, October 13, 2006

SURREY ART GALLERY - 3RD SCHOOL TOUR




GREETINGS BLOGGERS!

JUST BEFORE I STARTED, I HAD A TECH CHECK WITH SCOT (WITH ONE “T”) KEEFER AND APPARENTLY THE PROJECTOR WAS TURNED OFF SO I WAS HIDING IN PERPETUAL DARKNESS. SCOT TOLD ME THAT THE PROJECTOR WAS AMERICAN SO I KNEW THEN FOR SURE THE SURREY ART GALLERY WAS USING STEALTH TECHNOLOGY. I DID NOT REALIZE THEY HAD THE BUDGET FOR SUCH AMERICAN BLACKWORLD TECH. PERHAPS THEY SHARE A GRANT WITH THE HOLLYWOOD ART GALLERY.

ANYWAYS, THIS MORNING I WAS SPEAKING WITH WHITE ROCK ELEMENTARY. HERE IS A PHOTO OF THE EVENT. I HAVE HEARD OF THIS SO-CALLED “WHITE ROCK”. IT IS A LARGE PAINTED ROCK ON THE BEACHFRONT NEAR THE PIER AND MIGHT ALMOST BE AS SUBLIME IN SCALE AS MYSELF...PERHAPS WE ARE RELATED IN SOME MANNER!

BEFORE I DISCUSS THE SCHOOL TOUR, I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT TODAY IS FRIDAY THE 13TH - A VERY AUSPICIOUS DATE, PERHAPS? I DO HOPE NO ACCIDENT HAPPENS UNLESS IT IS A HAPPY ONE.

VERY WELL THEN! AS FOR THE SCHOOL, THE STUDENTS EMERGED OUT OF THE DARKNESS TO STAND AND WAVE THEIR HANDS AND WERE EVEN PRETENDING TO FEED MY MOUTH WITH INVISIBLE FOODSTUFFS. THEY MUST BE BUDDING CONCEPTUAL ARTISTS BECAUSE VERY FEW PEOPLE THINK THAT EXCLUSIVELY FEEDING SOMEONE NOTHING BUT IDEAS WOULD MAKE A PIECE OF ART SATISFIED.

IN TERMS OF QUESTIONS FROM THE STUDENTS, HERE THEY ARE:

Q: Who made you?
VOF: WHO MADE WHO?? HEH HEH, THAT WAS A REFERENCE TO A PREVIOUS BLOG. A MAN NAMED BARNEY NEWMAN MADE MY ANCESTOR AND PROVIDED THE BASIC AESTHETIC IDEA THAT BROUGHT ME TO LIFE. I SHOULD CLARIFY THAT THIS BARNEY SHOULD NOT BE CONFUSED WITH HIS PURPLE DINOSAUR NAMESAKE. THE BARNEY I AM SPEAKING OF IS RED, NOT PURPLE.

Q: Does Chivalry still exist?
VOF: WELL, AS LONG AS PEOPLE STILL OPEN AND CLOSE THE DOOR FOR YOU, A CONTEMPORARY FORM OF CHIVALRY DOES INDEED EXIST AND SHOULD CONTINUE TO PERSIST IN OUR CENTURY. I MEAN, EVEN IN MEDIEVAL TIMES WE HAD DOORS OPENING AND CLOSING FOR PEOPLE. ANY TIME BEFORE THAT MUST HAVE TRULY BEEN THE DARK AGES. THE ONLY THING GOOD ABOUT THE DARK AGES WAS THEIR USE OF PRIMITIVE STEALTH TECHNOLOGY SUCH AS SPY-CATAPULTS, POCKET-CAULDRONS, PANOPTICONS AND OTHER FORMS OF STAINED GLASS SURVEILLANCE. I CAN SAY THAT THE FRONT DESK STAFF AT THE SURREY ART GALLERY’S TECHLAB IS INDEED CHIVALROUS AS THEY OPEN AND CLOSE THE DOOR FOR ME MANY TIMES.

Q: What is your favorite form of art?
VOF: I ASSUME HERE THAT YOU MEAN FORMS OF ART THAT ARE NOT BLATANTLY LIVING ART AGENTS OR AVATARS. IF YOU MEAN ART OBJECTS, I WOULD HAVE TO SAY COLORFIELD PAINTING IS MY FAVORITE TYPE. I MEAN MY ANCESTOR, THE ORIGINAL VOF PAINTING IS ONE OF THE PRIME EXAMPLES OF 1960s ERA COLORFIELD PAINTING AND I MUST ADMIT TO FEELING A BIT NARCISSISTIC HERE BUT I AM PROUD OF MY GENETIC AND MEMETIC HERITAGE...WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY? I ALSO LIKE ABSTRACT EXPRESSIONISM AND MINIMALISM.

Q: What is your favorite animal?
VOF: I LIKE MANY ANIMAL FORMS BUT I WOULD HAVE TO SAY I PERSONALLY FAVOR THE LION AS HE IS THE MOST MASCULINE AND REGAL OF CREATURES. HE IS WISE YET AT THE SAME TIME FIERCE AND STRONG WILLED. THE FIRE IS HIS CORRESPONDING ELEMENT! HE IS THE SUPREME PATRIARCH OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM, AFTER ALL! THE LION IS THE KING CRIMSON INCARNATE! I THINK I MENTIONED TO THE FIRST SCHOOL TOUR STUDENTS THAT MY ASTROLOGICAL SIGN IS A LEO. I AM THE VOICE OF FIRE, HEAR ME ROAR!!!!

Q: What is your favorite instrument?
VOF: YOU MIGHT NOT CONSIDER THIS TO BE A FORMAL INSTRUMENT BUT I MUST SAY THAT I DECLARE THE VOICE TO BE MY FAVORITE AS IT IS THE MOST PRIMAL OF INSTRUMENTAL FORCES AND HAS TOTAL CONTROL OVER PITCH AND TIMBRE. FROM THE CAVES OF HUMANKIND, THE VOICE FIRST EMERGED. THIS WAS EVEN BEFORE THE TIME OF DRUMS AND FIFES.

Q: Do you like bananas?
VOF: WHAT AN ODD QUESTION. THAT QUESTION CAME RIGHT OUT OF THE BLUE! I DO KNOW THAT MONKEYS LIKE BANANAS. I AM A MUCH MORE EVOLVED CREATURE OF HABIT AND WILL ONLY EAT RED FRUITS AND VEGETABLES (I HAVE EVEN GIVEN UP MY RED MEAT HABIT). MAYBE IF SOME GENETIC ENGINEER WAS TO INVENT A RED BANANA, I MIGHT PARTAKE IN ITS SUCCULENT BOUNTY.

Q: Do you know how to dance and what is your favorite dance?
VOF: WELL, YOUR NAME REPRESENTS THAT OF A RUSSIAN PRINCESS. IT IS TOO BAD I CANNOT MENTION YOUR NAME ON THIS BLOG AS DOING SO WOULD VIOLATE MY SECURITY AGREEMENT WITH THE GALLERY AND YOUR SCHOOL. ANYWAYS, YOUR RUSSIAN NAME REMINDS ME OF BALLET WHICH IS NOT MY FAVORITE DANCE BUT I DO KNOW HOW TO TIP MY “TOES” (WHICH IS REALLY THE BOTTOM OF MY RECTANGULAR TORSO). DID YOU KNOW THAT BALLET WAS IMPORTED INTO RUSSIA BY FRANCE? THE ONLY DANCE I REALLY KNOW IS THE BREAKDANCE – OR AT LEAST A MODERN AND ABSTRACT VARIENT OF IT. WITH ALL THESE REQUESTS FOR DANCE MOVES, I AM STARTING TO THINK I AM A TRAINED SEAL - AND I DO NOT MEAN THOSE WHO GET RECRUITED BY THE MARINES!

Q: Do you like sports? If yes, what is your favorite sport?
VOF: I AM NOT REALLY THE SPORTY TYPE, I AM MORE OF AN ARTSY TYPE. HAVING SAID THAT, I AM ALWAYS FINDING WAYS TO RETAIN MY VIRTUAL MASCULENITY (WHICH IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME).

THUS, I HAVE OFFERED TO BE BOTH A BASEBALL BAT AND A HOCKEY STICK (I HAVE THE BODY FOR SUCH SPORTS). I HOPE THAT THESE ACITIVIES WILL HELP ME RETAIN MY SLENDER AND MANLEY FIGURE.

Q: What is your favorite hockey team?
VOF: I USUALLY DO NOT WATCH HOCKEY BUT I AM AWARE OF THE DETROIT RED WINGS. I BELIEVE THEY PERFORMED REALLY WELL IN THE 1950s BUT I AM NOT POSITIVE ABOUT THIS HISTORICAL TIDBIT.

WELL, I MUST NAP NOW. I HAVE A BUSY NIGHT AHEAD OF ME AS I HAVE AT LEAST 4 TEACHERS TO DEBRIEF WITH TONIGHT.

REGARDS TOWARDS THE WHITE ROCK,

VOICE OF FIRE 2006

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